Kevin Durant's New Arms

I think the fan movement is pretty cool down in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma home of the Oklahoma City Thunder basketball club. Seems like their fans always want their team to do well, and they're super excited to have a team. It's pretty chill.

However, I DO NOT agree with them replacing their best player's arms with thunder sticks just so 'the people' can better identify with him.

I know you're not used to having a basketball team, but one of the first things they teach you at the town meeting the city holds when it's announced that you will be getting a new basketball team is to never replace your star player's arms with any sort of cheering apparatus. That's like Fandom 101, which is offered at any community college. Take a class, guys.

Wetsuit Shopping with Kevin Durant

This past Friday at the The Blowtorch Wetsuit Shoppe...


Kevin Durant: Yo. I need a wetsuit. You look like a man who knows wetsuits.
Trez Kerbz: I guess I do. You need a wetsuit?

KD: Yeah.

TK: Why?

KD: Because.

TK: Great answer.

KD: Chill.

TK: I don't even know why you asked me to help you if you're not going to say more than one word at a time. You're not Don Draper, Kevin.

KD: Jetskiing.

TK: You're going jetskiing?

KD: Indeed.

TK: When did you get a jetski?

KD: Today.

TK: Why?

KD: Dunno.

TK: Alright. Well try this on. It's a medium.


TK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

KD: Not funny man. This is way too big.

TK: That's why I'm laughing.

KD: Man, I don't know why I even asked you to help me.

TK: Me neither. Maybe you need to try a ladies size.

KD: I'm not going to wear a ladies wetsuit. I'm a man.

TK: But look how wide that is around the thighs.

KD: GET ME A SMALL MAN'S WETSUIT!

TK: Okay, okay. I can't believe we even have these here. No one has bought one this small since Gilbert Arenas was planning his birthday party. Try this on.

TK: Looks great, Kev.

KD: Yeah.

TK: You don't really have a jetski do you?

KD: Nah, man. I just like the look.

Tony Parker Apologizes

Oh, JoHAHN, Tonay Parcare ees a jus a keeedings weeth you. Ees like I make a ze joke for laugh and to laugh. Ees not a serious.

Sacre bleu, JoHAHN! I vreally do sink zat your widdle hairspray coach Scoot Brook lukes good. You know zat Tonay like-a the hairs spray. Tonay's wife LOVE-a ze hairs spray. Please forgives the Tonay. I-a don't mean for to hurt-a your feeling.

But about ze Scoot Brook, why he never let you make point JoHAHN? Does not Scoot Brook know zat ze French love-a to make point? And ze French love-a to pass ze ball. Luke at Borees. He only like-a to pass ze ball. Tell Scoot Brook zat JoHAHN need to pass-a ze ball.

Please forgives Tonay Parcare, JoHAHN. I make it up to you. Come weeth to my villa tonight, Johan. Tonay's wife Eefa vill be theres. Maybe she call her Ahmareekun friend Teri Hatcher. Teri Hatcher LOVE Tonay, so she love Johan too.

The Differences Between Chris Mihm and Nick Collison

It's not unusual to confuse Nick Collison and Chris Mihm. They're both mostly irrelevant big white guys who share a passing resemblance to Adam Levine. Per request, here are their only differences, explained by handy chart:

The NBA Is Back, Y'all

BASKETBALL IS HAPPENING AGAIN! Rejoice! And with that comes loves and hates. On one hand, I hate everything about this picture:

I despise Damien Wilkins. He's the worst. Literally. He's BY FAR my least favorite player in the league, moreso than even Larry Hughes. Desmond Mason's no great shakes either. Plus the team is terrible. Despite how much I like Durant, Green, and Westbrook, the franchise is worst. The uniforms, the colors, the name, every single thing about them is wrong. Plus they employ Damien Wilkins.

HOWEVER, this picture is all that is right in my world:

As much as Pau Gasol is The Blowtorch's mascot, Marc might even be funnier. Sure Pau has arms that go everywhere, but Marc exists solely to ram in to people. He's like a fat version of Bulls-era Tyson Chandler. With a beard and gregarious smile, of course. I'm so glad he's here. Oh, and he's playing against an Iranian. Way to be, Grizzlies.

Oklahoma City's Mascot

You might have thought that the Oklahoma City Thunder's logo was weak (and it is -- it looks like a create-a-team logo from NBA Live 2000), but their mascot is just plain creepy.