Things Mike Bibby Probably Does

As we all know, Mike Bibby is probably the worst. But how much the worst? Along with blog bro Devine, here are some things that are most likely true about Mike Bibby.

Mike Bibby seems like he would...

• think it's funny to not flush the toilet.
• DVR "Mind of Mencia."
• talk about getting a motorcycle a lot.
• always be saying, "did you see that three I hit last night?" when he knows you were watching the game because he gave you tickets.
• have a cousin named Doug. (CONFIRMED)
• see Tyler Perry movies to seem sensitive, then totally bag on them with his boys.
• get bad tattoos. (CONFIRMED)
• make his entourage get bad tattoos. (CONFIRMED)
• insist on having an entourage. (CONFIRMED)
  
• think LL Cool J should make more records.
• know all the words to "Put It In My Mouth."
• blow a .07 then tell everyone how the secrets to beating the system.
• try to grow a full beard, but when the cheeks didn't fill out, tell everyone beards were wack.
• buy the Kid Cudi record.
• always get himself a bowl of cereal and not even offer you a bowl when he knows you love Lucky Charms.
• put his feel up on your couch without asking if it's cool.
• call your dog fat.
• tell Ellen Hickle that you can't dance, right before you asked her to dance.
• say that 8 Mile should have won an Oscar.
• call Jay Leno and Tim Allen his favorite comedians.
• wear cubic zirconias and try to pass them off as real.
• buy a $10 supermarket gift card as his Secret Santa present.
• front about everything.

Add yours in the comments.

My New Job

I was just on Basketbawful's job board when I saw this posting for models at Derrick Rose's birthday party. I'm a pretty big fan of Derrick Rose, and modeling, and just the whole club scene in general, so I think I'm going to apply.

Something my teachers taught me back at Barbizon Modeling School is that peer review is a great tool. With that in mind, it would be cool if y'all could review my application.

Requirements:

*Must Be 21yrs Old

Check.

*You must enjoy going to Clubs

Super check.

*Must be able to attend & Host Weekly Events

Okay.

*Must be able to Socialize and Network with new people

Of course.

*Must be very energetic and outgoing

Maybe not.

* Must be stylish/Attractive/presentable

Proof.

*Must have a Electronic presence (Facebook, Myspace, Emails, etc)

Obviously.

*Must have transportation

You bet.

I really hope I get this gig, since I love going out so much. All in all, I think I put together a really strong portfolio. What do you think?

Nets Executives Tour the Barclay Center

This is a guest post posted by the Brian Spaeths who usually posts about other things. He made a movie, and this one time we ate at a TGI Friday's together and talked about laughing.

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It's been awhile since I've written about the Nets at all, and between odes to Michael Jordan and the accompanying footnotes to David Robinson, et al, I saw these new designs for their long-rumored Brooklyn arena, the Barclays Center.

It looks nice and also it looks like a building, so I felt it'd be easy to piece together what the opening night might be like.

For real, that looks like a fun place. What do you think those two dudes are talking about, and are you pregnant -

Brian Spaeth is the writer and star of Who Shot Mamba?, a Broadband Motion Picture debuting October 13th on Koldcast.tv. You can see the first teaser-trailer on the website. Brian has also published two novels, and writes regularly at his own blog.

Shameless Plug: 5 O'Clock Shadowboxers - The Slow Twilight

This isn't related to the NBA in any sort of way at all, but that's okay. Friends of the Blowtorch Douglas Martin (production) and Zilla Rocca (raps) got together, while never meeting, and recorded an album as 5 O'Clock Shadowboxers. It's really, really amazing and really, really innovative, and really, really free. It's worth every penny.

But for real, it's good. Really good.

Download the album.

Listen to non-album track "Dirt Naps."

The World's First Barnstorming Blogger Basketball Team

One of my biggest dreams since the inception of this website has been the organization of some sort of blogger vs. blogger basketball game. Unfortunately, we're not able to get enough bloggers to the same place, so we've done the next best thing instead. We formed a barnstorming team, the Rio Diamonds:

the 2009 Rio Diamonds

We're going to be travelling across the country this summer like the And 1 Mixtape Tour, only pastier. Most of our players are from the Chicago area, but thanks to our sponsor, we've been able to finance the travel for a few out-of-towners. Here are one word scouting reports on all of us, from left to right:

• J.E. Skeets (PG) - quick
• Tas Melas (PF) - Greek
• Kelly Dwyer (SF) - throwback
• Tom Ziller (SG) - finesse
• Eamonn Brennan (SF) - versatile
• Matt Moore (PF) - chemistry
• Ryan Corazza (PG/SG) - hustle
• Trey Kerby (C) - awkward

So, this summer, we'll be coming to a town near you. Get a team together, email me, and we can set up a game. Winners gets to throw water balloons at the losers, and it'll all be taped and shown on this website. Good luck.

Text Messages I Received During the Bulls/Celtics Game 7

These real life messages from real life bros were received between 6:37 and 10:32 pm Saturday night. It's like the Brad Miller remix of Texts from Last Night, only not made up.

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6:37 -- Im nervous about a game i have no rooting interest in.

6:39 -- If i had one. I have subbed a raptors shirt.

6:53 -- How many tins of Skoal has Brad Miller gone through today?

7:02 -- Bangersssss

7:32 -- Thanks for basketball, God!

7:46 -- H8 big baby

7:58 -- Watching Brian Scalabrine guard Brad Miller is like stepping into a phantom tollbooth of delusional gigantism. Scalabrine is ginger Michael Rapaport.

8:04 -- It's uncanny. I feel after the game both of them are going to go home and listen to Mac Lethal records.

8:05 -- Do you think he and the professor listen to old cage records outside of the rucker?

8:07 -- Wait Scalabrine is El-P's gigantoid brother. How has no one realized this.

8:53 -- Rondo is a little girl.

9:28 -- Vinny Del Nego may employ a professional hair stylist.

9:29 -- The same one employed for Scott Baio and Willie Aames on Charles in Charge.

9:39 -- I think Brad Miller needs to start re-enacting Reservoir Dogs.

9:48 -- Nothing to be ashamed of.

9:53 -- F---ing gordon. Eddie house is an a-------.

10:01 -- Sad

10:02 -- Great run. Bright future. No shame.

10:02 -- the only consolation for brad miller is atmosphere albums.

10:06 -- They are not well coached. :/

10:10 -- There's a massive part of him that is glad this is over. Looked terrified. Do you think he'll grow into a decent coach? Mike Brown was atrocious his first year.

10:31 -- Longest line ever award.

10:32 -- It's like getting a Rondo award. Blech!

You're Stupid

The circumstances surrounding my viewing of Who Shot Mamba? are beyond strange. At first, it was hard to believe that this was an actual movie. I mean, the logistics of shooting a feature film about snake murder and the scrapped synthetic basketball are a good enough jokes in and of themselves. I even thought they now expunged trailer was the whole of the movie, because that seemed like something that could easily be done for a joke. But then the IMDB page appeared, completely confirming the existence of WSM?.

So it exists. That enough is shocking. Also shocking was when Brian offered to make some screeners, I guess to "reward" patient readers. As a huge fan of jokes and things, I signed up. So the DVD gets pressed, but due to shipping problems it couldn't be sent. Twice. Because I was obviously meant to see this movie, Brian happened to be visiting in a town about 20 minutes from where I live. You'd be surprised how many people are seeing a movie at 10 am on a Saturday, but that didn't make getting the DVD feel anything less like a drug deal from a movie about drug dealing.

When I told my wife we'd be watching it, she asked what it was about. I had no idea how to explain it. I told her it was about jokes and basketball and snakes. After seeing the movie, I think I'd probably describe it the exact same way. It's hilarious and totally bizarre and has AT LEAST Foot Fist Way potential to be a cult hit. Certainly NBA bloggers are going to love it because it's like watching YaySports, but normal people will be interested too, as long as they like jokes. It's catchphrase-y, straight out funny, absurd, and there are certain items in the movie that I would like to own.

I've never written a movie review before, as you can probably tell. I just know how to say that I like things that are funny. This is a thing that is funny. I hope every person on planet Earth gets to see it soon.

In Passing

Maybe go read this interview with Brian/The Cavalier/YAY!Sports/Mad Props to Baked Potatoes/Brian's Thoughts About Airplanes. He's the only guy who can make me appear dumber than I do. Also, buy his book.

If My Groomsmen Were NBA Players

In general, I don't do the "If Such-and-Such Were This-and-That" type of posts. They're a little too easy for my taste, and basically designed to get lots of easy links. I don't think that'll be a problem with these comparisons, as they're funny to no one but me. But it's my weblog, so indulge me, please.

Here's us:Here's our NBA look-a-likes:

That's me in the middle. Obviously.