Friday, February 27, 2009
The Fable of Ben Wallace
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Ron Artest
NBA Star Shaquille O'Neal
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The Brad Miller Show: Brad Miller Practices Martial Arts
NBA Players I Think I Could Beat in a Fight
This is me. I am 6 feet 5 inches tall, and I weigh around 220 pounds. I am 25 years old. According to this 2006 survey, I'm just about the average NBA player, except the 4ish years of experience. Unfortunately, I've yet to be called up from the Glendale Heights Park District Men's A League. I'm surprised, too.
I'm pretty even-keeled. I don't have a terrible temper, but I also won't back down from a confrontation. Two Sundays ago, I nearly started a riot at my men's league game, due to an intentional foul. While I'm not actively seeking out fights, if someone were to start one with me, I'm going to defend myself. Of course, I'm a genial fellow, so I haven't been in a legitmate fight since 4th grade when I beat up Mike Punkachar in my living room.
But being average-sized, I thought it was necessary that I put together a list of players who I think I could beat in a fight. Even though Barack Obama wouldn't let it happen, there's a chance that another Pacers/Pistons brawl could happen at any time. Here is the list of NBA players I think I could beat in a fight, with a short description why:
- Alex Acker - probably asthmatic.
- Maurice Ager - lacks peripheral vision.
- Alexis Ajinca - seems awkward.
- Morris Almond - too pretty.
- Chucky Atkins - named Chucky.
- Jose Barea - tiny.
- Marco Bellinelli - extreme tan suggests vanity.
- Goran Dragic - appears to be 11.
- Kevin Durant - weak.
- Daniel Gibson - well-groomed, and therefore unconcerned with physical contact. Nicknamed "Boobie."
- Manu Ginobili - would fall.
- Kyle Korver - avoids confrontation.
- Rashard Lewis - timid/easily bruised.
- Tyronn Lue - small wingspan and top-heavy.
- Steve Nash - brittle.
- Chris Quinn - looks like this:
- Cheikh Samb - easily distracted by shiny objects.
- Sun Yue - weighs 120 pounds. Possible martial artists. May re-think this one.
- Roko Ukic - pregnant.
- Yao Ming - slow, lots of surface area for striking.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I JUST SAW NATE ROBINSON FIST POUND WILL FERRELL
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
San Antonio Spurs' Roger Mason
Deron Williams aka D-Will
Brandon Bass Dallas Mavericks Forward
Michael Jordan The Greatest Basketball Player
Friday, February 20, 2009
Kevin Garnett Boston Celtics Player
Amare Stoudemire NBA 2003 Rookie of the Year
NBA Pop Culture Comparisons
I JUST thought of this, don't you think that NBA players look like guys from The Wire?
Or how about this: the Spurs have beef jerky playing for their team!
Here's another good one: NBA players look like rappers!
Okay, okay. Last one. Donny Marshall looks EXACTLY like Ludacris.
Dwight Howard of Orlando Magic
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Happy Birthday to Me
25 is shaping up to be a GREAT year.
A Stats Primer
It was intriguing! I learned a bunch about stats. I don't know if you guys have heard about stats, so let me teach you some things about stats.
First and foremost, you need to know what stats are. A stat is a way that we count things that happen. If you have more than one stat it becomes stats. In essence, stats is the plural form of stat, which is a name for something that happened. For instance, if a player takes a jump shot, that is a stat. Let's say that player (Rajon Rondo) misses that shot, that is also a stat. If you combine these, that is a player's stats.
The formula:
That is how we get stats.
Now that you know where stats come from, let's learn about what the article talks about. Because it's not just about stats. It's also about advanced stats, which are kind of like if stats could get superpowers. But between stats and advanced stats are intermediate stats.
Some people didn't think stats were good enough. They were haters. So they decided, "we need more stats." They took all the normal stats (like points and assists and rebounds) and divided them by other stats (games and shots and ratios). This made new stats which are called intermediate stats. They're pretty much normal nowadays, like how the average height of humans has increased over time.
But intermediate stats were not enough for some people. These people were probably people who liked; a) numbers and b) basketball. I don't know for sure, but that's a guess (they'd call it a hypothesis). So these people took stats and intermediate stats and decided to make advanced stats. It's the same as when John Madden invented the Turducken or Charles Darwin invented evolution.
Here's a diagram that shows how stats became advanced stats:
As you can see, stats was a quadroped in the primordial ooze until John Hollinger (a stat-liker/maker) made advanced stats which stands on two legs and lives in a forrest.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
1000 Words: Science, Perfected
Breaking Trade
In a three-team deal, Chris Andersen and your grandmother have been shipped from, respectively, the Denver Nuggets and Forest Oaks Retirement Home to the Phoenix Suns. In return, the Nuggets received 24 8-ounce bottles of Ensure Vanilla Supreme Nutrition Shake and the Retirement Home received Matt Barnes' haircut.
Happy Birthday, Michael Jordan
Happy Birthday, Michael Jordan.