Almond "No" Joy

See ya later Morris, we hardly new you. The Jazz have decided that Morris Almond no longer has a place with the team and have declined to pick up the option on his contract meaning that he will become an un-restricted free agent next year. The SL Trib reports that the Jazz are seeking out a trade as well so there might be more to this story. Hopefully the Jazz just trade him for a future pick somewhere down the road or package him with some other loose parts for something with a little more valuable. I say we play GM for the day and post your best trade options including Morris Almond.

I would do one of two things here. Trade Almond for a future first round pick and hope that the team you send him to gets bad. I would look to trade him to someone like Detroit, Dallas or Phoenix who are going to have to go through some re-building years soon so you might get lucky with them bottoming out when you get their pick. The second trade I would explore is Almond and Harpring for a decent back up big man. I would move forward assuming that the Jazz are going to be able to re-sign Boozer and Okur, but not Milsap and try to get someone to fill that void.

Former NBA Player Scott Williams Opines On the State of the NBA

Hey guys, it's me Scott Williams, and I'm here to talk to you about basketball. In particular, NBA basketball.

You might not remember this, but just three years ago, I, Scott Williams, played basketball in the NBA. In fact, I played for the Cleveland Cavaliers with LeBron James. LeBron has gone on record saying that I'm the biggest influence on his basketball life, so trust me when I tell you what is wrong with the NBA.

Want to know what's wrong with the NBA? I'll tell you right now.

There's not enough Scott Williams in the NBA.

Actually, there's no Scott Williams in the NBA at all, and that is definitely not enough Scott Williams.

Check my stats. I averaged 7.6 per game in 1994 and then the exact same number, 7.6, in the year 2000. You can bet online that has never been done before.

Remember the time I registered my career high in points AND assists in the same game against my former team? I do. Once again, this is a legendary feat that only adds to the legend of Scott Williams.

Oh, I forgot to mention my three championship rings. How silly of me.

Think of it this way; I've got three titles, the ability to score at least 7.6 points per game, and I'm guaranteed to have a career high in points and assists against any of my former teams. You add that to the fact that I essentially tought LeBron James to play basketball. Why wouldn't that interest the NBA?

I know David Stern is quite concerned with the marketing of the league overseas and other business of that sort, but he seems to be missing the point. The NBA needs more Scott Williams, and I'm just the Scott Williams to give it to them.

Draft Daze and Dallas Penn

From big homie Dallas Penn comes part one of a video of a guy who has declared for the draft the past 17 years. It's a true story. Just as true as everything else on this site.

Kyle and Dwayne sitting in a tree....

Deron isn't the only one getting the big endorsements.

I wonder why they didn't choose Michael Doleac to represent the Caucasians?

Just 'cause you have a nickname doesn't mean you fit in, Birdman

It’s FINALLY back!!! Jazz basketball! Well it was great to get our first win! I agree with Hammy, that it didn’t have all the luster without DWill and Carmelo but it was good to see the Jazz back in action!

My observation from last night was how bad did you feel for the white, very goofy Chris Andersen! He knows he is playing for the McThuggets and has too keep up with his appearance! During the offseason he did a lot of work, not on his game skills but body art! He spent countless amount of time in his favorite tattoo parlor trying to make himself fit in with the team! When his mother was asked about his offseason work she mentioned he “looks like a human coloring book.” Interesting take!

At least he has the background history that the GM of the McThuggets looks for when finding NBA talent (suspended for two year after the 2006 season for breaking the drug policy of the NBA) So maybe we shouldn’t feel so bad that he may not be fitting in! I am sure him and his fellow THUGS A.I, Carmelo, and lets not forget THUG LIFE himself K.Martin, have a lot to talk about on trips home after losing to the Jazz.

We could not have started out with beating a more disliked team by Jazz fans (Well at least by me). Lets keep it rolling and I hope to see DWill back on the court soon. Turn over fest last night! Good thing the McThuggets had the same problem!

Video of Black Out

The Deseret News has a great video of the Jazz Black Out from last night's game against the Nuggets.

http://deseretnews.com/video/1,5563,600,00.html

Long live the Allan Parson's Project...

I thought they did a good job of keeping it fun, yet not thuggish like you would expect at the Pepsi Center.

The Blowtorch Presents ... The Worst of the Best

Play The Blowtorch Presents...The Worst of the Best

Wherein:

• The five worst NBA players are discussed.
• At least four fellow bloggers are shouted out.
• Joe Alexander is interviewed.
• Music from the Knux
  
  

Yet More Evidence of Tom Ziller's Statistical Mastery (OR How Harry Potter Proves the French Are Liars)

The name Ghostface Ziller is hard-earned.

You see, the namesake rapper is one of the best ever, and this is undeniable. To live up to such a lofty name, a fellow would have to put in some serious and seriously good work for a long period of time, just like Tony Starks. That being said, Tom Ziller of everybasketballwebsite fame is a legend. A man who is certainly worthy of the Ghostface moniker (and not just because it sounds good). This summer was truly the summer of Ziller.

However, never has his work with Excel been so important as it is now.

-------------

The data below (derived from the Harry Potter Blood Purity Scale) might be pretty shocking. It proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that most so-called "French" basketball players are hardly French at all.

This is troubling for many reasons:

a) More people trying to wear gauzy scarves around their necks.
b) Possible racial tensions due to anger about inclusion at local wizarding academies (ex. Malfoy vs. Granger, 2000)
c) More very sweating people who refuse to wear deodorant.
d) Proliferation of Formula-One fandom.
e) Bloghouse musicians JUSTICE (Joustice) plot takeover of America by dance-induced hysteria.
f) Techno wars between JUSTICE and Daft Punk infiltrate America, further plummeting the economy.
g) French culinary arts become more commonplace, and therefore are assimilated, and are therefore not as tasty.
h) I think the French still hate America, right?

As you can see, there is nothing good that can come from French citizenship being handed out like candy. Sooner than you think, France will have adopted enough basketball players that they can form a successful international team. This will allow them to generate enough capital to launch an attack against us through deft passing, delicious food, and delirious dancing. (I'm particularly scared since these are my three weaknesses.)

However, there is a ray of light. There is one great benefit of an increased number of "French" basketball players:

a) More BAGUETTE jokes.

When you really weigh it out, that might make the dance craze worth it.

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects - the Great Oden's Foot Edition

• Maybe a week ago, Matt and I were talking about the prospects of Greg Oden. I'm in the "best dude ever" camp; Matt's a little more subdued/skeptical/other word starting with S. The main crux of his argument is that Oden might be injury-prone. I said, "worrying about injuries is silly." Matt got salty.
  
  However, Matt also appears to be right. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and today, I'm that big man.
• Due to internet obligations/my DVR being occupied by Dancing with the Stars and Without a Trace (not my choices), I only got to see about 10 minutes of the Bulls game. That's too bad, as it appears they are both exciting and maybe decent. Tyrus Thomas had a good game and Derrick Rose is for real. Larry Hughes being injured sure doesn't help hurt either.
• Skeets mentioned it last night, but I whole-heartedly agree that one of the best parts of the NBA season is seeing everybody's new hair/look/personal brand. It's hilarious.
  
  Particularly up for debate was Delonte West. I'm pro-hair as it makes him look less like a re-animated alien corpse, but that's just my opinion.
• Another important matter of business during the live blog was the creation of Goatman. Ergo, all posts this Friday will be done as Goatman, for Halloween. I don't know what that means, but it's going to happen.
• New podcast tomorrow, hopefully. It's available for subscription in iTunes now. Just search for the Blowtorch.
• More to come later...

The Wait is Finally Over. Game #1 vs. Nuggets!

If you're like me, you've been waiting patiently for almost 6 months. Waiting for THIS...

Now, we all know that Deron will be watching from the sidelines, but that's no reason to not be totally amped up for the game!

-------------------------------

Game #1 vs. Denver Nuggets

The storyline for this game will no doubt be the absence of both Deron Williams for the Jazz and Carmelo Anthony for the Nuggets, who is serving a 2-game suspension for drunk driving. While Deron is the heart and soul of this Jazz team, I think Anthony is a bigger loss. The Jazz have depth at every position and can satisfactorily replace DWilll; Denver, on the other hand, will be hard-pressed to replace Anthony's 25.7 points and 7.4 rebounds, especially since they gave away their best rebounder and defender in Marcus Camby (who we'll see plenty of this weekend). Denver finished in the 8 seed last year and was handled easily by the Lakers in 4 games. The Jazz finished 4 games ahead of the Nuggets and won the season series 3-1 while scoring an average of 120.8 points per game.

This is essentially the same Jazz team as last year, aside from the Hart/Knight trade (YES!) and the addition of Kofous. Denver sent Camby to the Clippers for peanuts and lost Eduardo Najera to the Nets via free agency. Nene is back and so is the Birdman (the Nuggets' team preview can be found here).

Denver just doesn't seem all that threatening anymore. We beat them last year when they had a lot of talent, and they are not as good as they were then. The Jazz should win this going away, but look for Denver to fight pretty hard for the first 15 minutes or so. The combination of differing styles of Ronnie Price and Brevin Knight in the PG spot should make things difficult for the Nuggets, despite Allen Iverson's massive talent level (unfortunately, he can't score all their points...or can he?)

The line is Jazz by 7, I'll take the Jazz 105-96, but it'll be a 15 point game in the 4th quarter.

Be sure to head over to The Nugg Doctor and give them a little good-natured trash talk.

Jazz vs. Nuggets - Game 1

Can we officially say that after the Jazz win this game Wednesday night that the Northwest division crown will be all wrapped up? I say yes we can, go ahead and put a fork in Denver, they are done. Unfortunately we are missing the two marquee players in this one so it might have a bit of an extended pre-season feel to it. D-Will is out with an injury and Carmelo is out with a case of being stupid. Way to keep it real Carmelo - you make 12 million per year, call a freakin cab or limo when you get drunk. Better yet, have the party at your house, I am sure that it is more tricked out than any bar you are at. Its time to start being a grown-up now Carmello.

On to 10 predictions for the game.

1 - Allen Iverson will go off for 40 but he will do it on 10-35 shooting and 12-15 from the line.
2 - Carmello will try to go out and get drunk after the game, but will not be able to due to the low alchohol level of Utah beer.
3 - Carlos Boozer will grab 20 rebounds. Who is going to stop him? And with AI jacking up 45 shots there will be plenty to get.
4 - Ronnie Price will dunk emphatically on Kenyon Martin.
5 - Does Kenyon Martin still play? (I know that is not a prediction, but is there a worse contract in the league than Kenyon Martin? Maybe Nene?)
6 - Ronnie Brewer will score 12 points in the first quarter on 4 dunks, 1 circus shot and 2 freethrows. Get ready for Ronnie Brewer Jazz fans, this is going to be a season full of ooh-aah dunks.
7 - The Jazz will score 120. In fact, I think every team in the league might score 120 on Denver this year.
8 - D-Will's ankle injury will get replayed about 25 times making all Jazz fans throw up a little in our mouths each time.
9 - AK will flirt with a triple double. The lack of defense by the Nuggets fit his helter skelter style perfectly.
10 - The lights are going to go out for pre-game introductions for the first time in Jazz history and Jaron Collins will trip over Kosta's feet further delaying his comeback from the horific off-season golf cart accident. Hurry back big fella, we need you.

All said, I for one can't wait for this game and season to get going. It has been a long offseason of torment and what ifs and its time for a season of redemption. I am a little bummed that game one is missing some of the flair with D-Will and Carmelo being out, but either way its game time and this is our year.

LABallTalk Team Blog Voting Results

True Blue Jazz was voted the #1 Jazz blog on the net.

Thanks to all of you who actually went and voted for us.

Big props to the other Jazz blogs who participated.

SLC Dunk
All That Jazz
The Cowhide Globe

We are honored to share the same passion of Jazz basketball with you.

Skull Betrayal Dude = Fearless Love?

<<boozer family.JPG>>
Eric Neel of ESPN put an interesting article together about Carlos Boozer and his son's sickle cell anemia. Good article. The title at the top is just slightly creepy.

I would love to type a quick editorial praising Carlos for being a great person. But there is a part of me that just won't allow me to do it. I won't go into details, but it's the result of something I saw first hand.

I wish Carmani the best in his healing and growth process. I hope having his family back in SLC puts Carlos in NBA mode and he is able to capture his regular season dominance and transfer it to the playoffs.

Here is a link to the article.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=boozers

The Worst Christmas Present Ever

Consider this a public service announcement to any parent of an NBA fan.

Let's say that your son is the biggest Portland Trailblazer fan on the planet. Furthermore, let's say that he's also a big shoe collector. And finally, let's say that your son loves Blazers memorabilia.

Now, given those circumstances, what would be a perfect gift for your son? First, maybe, you consider getting your son a pair of the Brandon Roy Nike Blue Chips. But no, those aren't authentic enough. You want something better than that.

Sure, you could get a Greg Oden jersey or maybe even a Bill Walton throwback. But there's got to be something more legit than those, right?

So you settle on these; game worn Steve Blake And 1 Tai Chis.

And just like that, all your careful planning and deliberation goes out the window. You just bought your son a pair of wack shoes from a mediocre point guard.

So please, parents, beware of what you buy. Just because it's real doesn't mean it's real good.

More Rasheed Wallace Greatness

The Pistons pumped gas for people. A whole twenty dollars worth. Good for the Pistons.

However, the best part of this is that it's obvious that Rasheed doesn't pump his own gas. Note the hose going over the car and the handle upside down.

Oh, Rasheed. Your pampered millionaire ways are so silly.

Matt @ Hardwood Paroxysm LOVES THE JAZZ!

I had to type that just to get a stir out of him. Finally a website he can't control.

Though you TBJ fans might like the Season Preview of the Utah Jazz over at HP.

I have to admit, he brings it...and he brings it hardcore. I actually agree with his assessment of AK. Matt hates the Jazz. True Blue Jazz hates the Rockets and Nuggets. Booner hates his man nippers. It's all in the circle of life. It's okay to disagree.

SLC Dunk didn't find it funny at all.

I really don't care either way. However I did ask Matt personally to reconsider one of his comments. I know he's a Hornets fan and I can't wait for the back-and-forth we'll get when these two teams meet in the post season.

Let the Jazz ripping begin!

(Please visit Hardwood Paroxysm and let him know your thoughts so he believes me when I tell them there is a Jazz Nation.)

Wow, we even got a follow-up article. Not every fanbase can say that.

Bloggers Power Rankings - Preseason

Ryan at Hornets247 had a great idea this off season and decided to put together a group NBA bloggers and do a weekly Power Rankings. True Blue Jazz was happy to participate. This will become a new weekly segment throughout the season.

True Blue Jazz is excited to host the Power Rankings in November and February. These are the best and brightest NBA bloggers on the net. Surprising enough, not every blog put "their" team in first. I must admit that the Power Rankings are probably the most legit I've seen (next to USA Today...not). Perhaps this is because there are multiple people from every team involved.

I won't spoil the surprise and tell you where our boys in blue ended up. You'll have to visit Hornets247.com and find out for yourself. Feel free to leave a comment on his site and represent for the Jazz fans. We are currently getting slaughtered over there. Well...I am at least.

Power Rankings Roundup: 3 days until tipoff

ESPN.com: 9

Sports Illustrated: 6

NBA.com: 5

Inside Hoops: 5

USA Today: 13 (WTF!?)

Fox Sports: 6

HoopsWorld: 8


High: 5. Low: 13. Average: 7.4

Game on in 56 hours!

Everything's Coming Up Lakers This Year

Oh, sorry. Don't mind me. I just wanted to show my undying love for the Lakers.


I mean, yeah, it's kinda weird that I showed up to TwinsCon 2008 without a twin, but I really thought Snoop was going to be here. No, he's not actually my twin, but we look pretty similar.


Don't forget he used to wear hockey jerseys all the time, too. Then this would make more sense. I figured, doo-rag plus Lakers love plus hockey jersey equals Snoop, right? I'm not totally ridiculous for thinking that, am I?


Oh, no. This is bad. Seriously. What am I doing here? I am definitely not a twin. Snoop is definitely not my twin. Snoop is definitely not coming. What was I thinking? This is bad, bad, bad.


Alright. If I stay completely motionless, maybe no one will notice me. Yeah, yeah. That'll work. Just stay REAL quiet against this wall. Okay, those guys don't notice me, do they? This is just like that T-Rex scene in Jurassic Park.


Did Jeff Goldblum get eaten after that? He did, didn't he? What in the world was I thinking? This is terrible.

Slowly, Calbert, SLOWLY edge your way out of the picture. No one will notice. Take it slow.


camera flashes


Great. These guys are going to KILL me. Go Lakers.

About That Isiah Thomas News

I had thought the Isiah Thomas/Lunesta news was off-limits for a joke. I really did. Thankfully, one man was brave enough to make a joke that was both tasteful and hilarious.

That man, is Dallas Penn.

Northwest Bloggers Season Preview

Jeremy at Pickaxe and Roll put together a nice little survey for all of the Northwest Division bloggers to participate in. The results are back and I wanted to share them with you.

Let's just say it was a Utah Jazz love fest. You will find my comments after each question.

1. Who will be the Newcomer of the Year in the Northwest Division?
Greg Oden – 69.2% (9 votes)
Kevin Love – 15.4% (2 votes)
Mike Miller – 7.7% (1 vote)
Rudy Fernandez – 7.7% (1 vote)

CB Jack: That's some pretty stiff competition you got there Mr. Oden. Where is Brevin Knight on
this question?

2. Who is the most overrated player in the Northwest Division?
Carmelo Anthony – 46.2% (6 votes)
Carlos Boozer – 15.4% (2 votes)
Kevin Durant – 7.7% (1 vote)
Al Jefferson – 7.7% (1 vote)
Andrei Kirilenko – 7.7% (1 vote write in)
Jeff Green – 7.7% (1 vote write in)
Chucky Atkins – 7.7% (1 vote write in)

CB Jack: Thank the Lord that bloggers are finally starting to put their thinking caps on. Melo IS the most overrated player in the West and perhaps the NBA. I was a little surprised at the AK write-in (I know it was you Nugg Doctor…wait. How did he not get invited here? I am not happy about that at all. You must respect the Nugg Doctor). How can AK be overrated if he is no longer rated at all?

3. Who is the most underrated player in the Northwest Division?
Ronnie Brewer – 30.8% (4 votes)
Mehmet Okur – 23.1% (3 votes)
LaMarcus Aldridge – 15.4% (2 votes write in)
J.R. Smith – 7.7% (1 vote)
Ryan Gomes – 7.7% (1 vote write in)
Nick Collison – 7.7% (1 vote write in)
Joe Smith – 7.7% (1 vote write in)

CB Jack: Easy Ronnie. Don't let this stuff get to your head…on second thought, do. The TBJ boys and I attended the preseason game last night against Portland and come the 3rd quarter Booner says to me "Ronnie has 18 pts? When did that happen?". I have to say he has a legitimate change at making the All-Star game…if Kobe gets hurt, Brandon Roy does a boycott and the entire West Coast falls into the Ocean. So you're telling me there's a chance!?

4. Who is the worst rotation player (at least 15 minutes per game) in the Northwest Division?
Sebastian Telfair – 30.8% (4 votes)
Johan Petro – 30.4% (4 votes)
Jeff Green – 23.1% (3 votes)
Corey Brewer – 7.7% (1 vote)
Matt Harpring – 7.7% (1 vote)

CB Jack: Um…someone got this really wrong. I would put one CJ Miles at the top of this list. And every other "worst" and "overrated" list.

5. Who will make the playoffs?
Portland Trailblazers – 61.5% (8 votes)
Portland Trailblazers and Denver Nuggets – 23.1% (3 votes)
Denver Nuggets – 15.4% (2 votes)

CB Jack: zzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz

6. Are the Utah Jazz a legitimate championship contender?
Yes – 76.9% (10 votes)
No – 23.1% (3 votes)

CB Jack: Damn skippy they are. Again I'm sure the Denver blogs banned together and boycotted the Jazz in this answer. SLC > Denver biatches!

7. The Minnesota Timberwolves will be in the playoffs…
in 5 years – 38.5% (5 votes)
in 3 years – 23.1% (3 votes)
um…don’t hold your breath T-Wolves fans – 23.1% (3 votes)
next year – 15.4% (2 votes)

CB Jack: I couldn’t tell if this question was a joke or not? I think it was. I hope it was.

8. Who will be the player of the year in the Northwest Division?
Deron Williams – 77.0% (10 votes)
Al Jefferson – 15.4% (2 votes)
Greg Oden – 7.7% (1 vote write in)

CB Jack: Well done bloggers. I am so glad there wasn't an AI or Melo reference here. I understand the T-Wolves fans put Al Jefferson, I would too if he was on my team. I was a little surprised there was no mention of Brandon Roy?

9. Where will each team finish in the Northwest Division?
First – Utah Jazz – 100% (13 votes)
Second – Portland Trailblazers – 84.6% (11 votes)
Third – Denver Nuggets – 84.6% (11 votes)
Fourth – Minnesota Timberwolves – 92.3% (12 votes)
Fifth – Oklahoma City Thunder – 92.3% (12 votes)

CB Jack: And there you have it. All 13 bloggers agree that the Jazz will be hanging another "Northwest Division Champions" banner in the ESA. Pick-and-Roll said it best last night at the game: "We seriously need to stop hanging the division banners. It's time for a World Championship banner the size of the Great Salt Lake in this joint."

Here are the bloggers who conceded the division crown to us. This guys are doing great work.

Participants
Jeremy – Pickaxe and Roll
Andy – Denver Stiffs
Wyn – Canis Hoopus
College Wolf – TWolves Blog
Joe – Thunder Guru
Zebulun and Benjamin – Blue Blitz
Royce – Thunderworld
Casey – Trail Blazers Center Court
Coup – Rip City Project
Dave – Blazer’s Edge
Basketball John – SLC Dunk
UtesFan89 – The Utah Jazz
CB Jack – True Blue Jazz

Join the On Means On Movement

First, it was Kevin Martin "on" Greg Oden.




Now, it's Nick Young "on" Fabricio Oberto.



Skeets addressed this before, but we're living in dire times, my friends.

These dunks are NOT on people.

They are near their victims. This does not negate the quality of the dunk, as both of these are nice dunks. However, they certainly aren't "on" the victim. Sorry, but it's true.

This, is on a person.



And this is how you can show your support for the On Means On movement:



Repost this (people love the Helvetica posters right now). Show your support. This is change we need.

COP MICHAEL CURRY'S NEW MIXTAPE

YahnahImean, Mike Curry head coach of the Pistons is dropping his new mixtape, One MC and 12 DPs this weekend. HOT FIRE Y'ALL!

Featuring such hits as:

• A Milli (Wins)
• Pist-Ons for the City
• Motown 25 Freestyle
• DEEE-TROIT Basketball (feat. Eminem and Kid Rock)

Available only at DetroitBadBoys.com.

Even NBA Players Can't Wait for the Season to Start

Get Your Jazz On

"This is our Year....No, Really, it is!"

ESPN just came out with their Western Conference Predictions. Chances are you're all nerds like me and have already read them. If not, however, here you go. Sure you can view every team in the West, but there is only one team that matters.

Pretty predictable stuff really. We are always going to be third on the list behind Kobe, CP3 and their clubs. I'm a bit disappointed by the few "4's" we have on there but our Homer, John Hollinger's #1 ranking makes up for that.

Could this be the year? In Utah, the phrase, "This is our Year" is a bit cliche. In fact, I think C.B. Jack has the "This is Our Year" banners from '96, '97, '98, '99, '06, '07 & '08 hanging on his newly born sons' wall. But the 2008-2009 Season may truly be our year. Why, well there are all sorts of reasons. We're young, yet mature, we have depth and a whole lot of talent. But realistically, lets cut the crap. After this year this team could completely dismantle. We know we can't afford everyone and who knows what trades will go down, who will stay who will go etc. The truth is, there is a sense of urgency felt by Jazz Nation that it's now or never. I'm feeling it. Call me crazy but I truly think we can do it. I'm ready to get this started and find out what the Jazz are made of.

I'm curious to see what you think. How would you rank the Western Conference? Be honest. (However, if I see one person rank Utah anything other than #1, I will find out who and where you are and send the Millsap bro's to take care of you. It can be done, I promise. Have you seen Eagle Eye? Watch your back naysayers.) No pressure though. Here is my completely un-biased prediction of how the Northwest will be Won this year:

1. Utah

2. Blazers

3. Wolves

4. Nuggets

5. Thunder (We will drop one to this team this year....guaranteed. Most likely right after we roll L.A. and Boston.)

My prediction for the West:

1. Utah

2. Hornets

3. Lakers

4. Suns

5. Spurs

6. Rockets

7. Mavs

8. Blazers

9. Clippers

10. Warriors

11. Nuggets

12. Wolves

13. Kings

14. Grizzlies

15. Thunder

Booner

The Blowtorch Presents ... Anticipatory Remarks

Pound for pound, I'm pretty live on the mic

Oh, what's that you say? You'd like to hear a podcast of the silliness you normally just read?

Fine.

Play The Blowtorch Presents...Anticipatory Remarks

Wherein:

• Marc Gasol is discussed.
• The word "gregarious" is used. Twice.
• Mario Chalmers is slandered.
• Clay Bennett raps.

Enjoy.

UPDATE:

Joakim Noah Advises Sam, Bill, and Neil

(Sam, Bill, and Neil approach Joakim Noah, who is sitting winsomely on a grassy hill)

Joakim: Gentlemen.

Sam: Hey Joakim.

Bill: Hey.

Neil: Hey.

Joakim: To what do I owe this pleasure?

Sam: Well...

Bill: Ask him.

(Bill nudges Sam.)

Sam: Hey!

Neil: Sam's worried that Cindy won't like the way he kisses.

Sam: NEIL!

Neil: What?! It's true.

(Bill giggles to himself.)

Joakim: Well, as you know, I myself once had the same predicament. 'Twas some time ago, in fact. Actually, it frightens me to this day to think what could have happened.

(Bill giggles to himself.)

Neil: Joakim. We really need your help.

Joakim: Yes, certainly. Anyway. As I was saying, the key to winning a woman's heart is simple. Just be yourself and she will be drawn to you. It's as I always say, set the bait and then wait.

Sam: That's it?

Bill: Yeah, that's it?

Joakim: Indeed.

Neil: Thanks, Joakim.

Bill: Yeah, uh, thanks.

(Bill's jaw hang open.)

Sam: You're the best, Joakim.

Joakim: Gentlemen.

Hi, I'm Your New Favorite Player

Hey guys, it's me, Kevin Martin. You might remember me from that one time I scored 48 points against the Timberwolves. Just wanted to let you know I'm doing some pretty sweet things lately. For instance, I now have a mohawk. I also recently signed a shoe deal with Jordan Brand.

Oh, and I dunked really nasty on Greg Oden last night. Just letting you know. If you need me, I'll be over here being awesome. Nice to meet you.

Meet True Blue Jazz

GOOD NEWS! ...sort of

Deron will miss at least 2 weeks after an MRI revealed a second-degree sprain. After Ross Siler's post about the possibility of missing 4 weeks, hearing only 2 weeks sounds like great news. Deron could be back as early as game #3 against the Clippers, but that's probably pushing it, I would guess that his first game is either Portland on Nov 5 or Oklahoma City on Nov 7, right before we head out on a five-games-in-seven-nights Eastern road trip. Of course, there's still the possibility that he could miss 4 weeks, but I'm going to be optimistic.

SL Trib
Des News
ESPN

More Praise from Hollinger

John Hollinger listed his 2008-2009 All-Breakout Team today. He breaks it down by how well known the players are and in the "You already knew, but..." category is Deron "MF'in GAMER" Williams:

Does anyone else find it a little weird that he hasn't made an All-Star team yet? Although he's had a bit of a setback thanks to Saturday night's ankle sprain, that oversight should be corrected this year -- especially if the Jazz are as good as I think they'll be. Williams has a good chance of passing Steve Nash and Chauncey Billups in the point guard hierarchy given his steady improvement; even last year, his numbers were much stronger after the break than before, including 12.0 assists per game in the second half. And while Carlos Boozer busies himself with the vagaries of the South Florida real estate market, Williams will spend a full year as Utah's unquestioned go-to guy.

Also on the list is Ronnie "Don't Call me Ron" Brewer. Hollinger puts him in the "Stealth All-Star Candidates" category with this description:

If I had to vote one guy as the league's most underrated player, it's him. A productive two-way player for one of the league's best teams, the third-year pro reportedly has shot the ball far better this preseason -- and that was his one weakness. Even if he doesn't improve a lick from outside, his knack for scoring around the basket and
improving defensive skills make him one of the best players at his position, and he's still getting better at only 23. With his playing time likely to increase along with his prominence on a key Western contender, he may not stay underrated for long.

I'm not sure how I feel about all this attention from Hollinger. In the past we have flown under the radar just long enough to sneak up on some teams. Ask any "expert" who the top 3 Western Conference contenders are and you'll be hard-pressed to hear anyone name the Jazz. But if we keep getting pub then it'll be harder to sneak up on anyone.

However, it may be stupid to think that we'll be sneaking up on ANYONE this year. With 15 playoff victories in the last 2 years, I doubt that any team is going to look past the Jazz.

More Proof of the Grand NBA Conspiracy

Those are the REGULAR SEASON STANDINGS from NBA.com. Little did you know that the season was already a week old and that they settled playoff seeds after the first 6 or 7 games. That David Stern will do anything to screw Phoenix.

The Top 50 Video Games of All-time

Top 50 Video Games of All-Time

Cheers to more top something of all-time lists! Seriously though this was a tough list to make. It also makes me think about all that time I wasted, but it wasn’t really wasted it was fun. I have had some great times with video games, and some bad. Like the time I punched my Game Gear after throwing yet another interception in Joe Montana’s Football and had to get the screen repaired. It’s frustrating video game moments like those that make winning the Super Bowl just that much sweeter.

I must say this list is more subjective than other lists that I have done. If you are reading this and you are thinking what about such ‘n’ such game, chances are I might have never played it. Also, I don’t play RPG’s. I think for the most part they aren’t fun, so don’t send me messages of hate because Zelda is not on here. Not to mention I never had a Sega Dreamcast, so I can’t really put a game on that system as one of my top games of all-time. One can only play the games on the systems were available to that particular person. So now you have been warned, and without further fluff from me here it is.


50. Scorched Earth (PC)
Simple tank game, but I played this game for hours and lot of it was at school. Dude….Sweeet….

49. Road Rash (N64)
Hitting other people on their motorcycles with baseball bats has never been this much fun.


48. Major League Pro Baseball (Game Gear)
Yes it’s true, I had a Game Gear, and the game I played non-stop was this great baseball game.

47. Dr. Mario (NES)
Hours wasted tying to beat friends in this simple-stupid, yet unbelievably addicting game
.
46. The Simpson’s (Arcade)
I love the Simpson’s, and I loved to pump quarters into this arcade.

45. Doom (PC)
This was the first game I remember being legitimately freaked out while I playing, yet it was totally revolutionary and fun.



44. Sonic the Hedgehog (Sega Genesis)
Not as good as Mario was, but Sega did have a good thing going with this game.

43. Major League Baseball featuring Ken Griffey Jr. (N64)
Home run derbies galore, as well as the un-hittable knuckleball makes this game a real classic.

42. X-Men (Arcade)
One of the best hack’n’slash games of our time, with sweet mutant powers.

41. Monopoly (NES)
I know what your thinking, bored games as a top video game, but after playing this it makes the board game totally lame. Could be the greatest video game soundtrack of all-time.

40. Mega Man II (NES)
The variety and creativity of each boss-man one would have to beat made this a real standout.

39. Super Mario World (SNES)
Played this game recently and I totally suck. It got me thinking, was I ever good at this great game?

38. Mortal Kombat (Arcade)
Sure it pushed the limits of violence, but this really was a fun game.

37. Super Mario Bros. (NES)
Pretty much the game that started it all is still fun to this day and that is saying a lot considering all the technological improvements over the years.

36. Day of the Tentacle (PC)
An interesting game that one really had to think to solve the many puzzles. It was the first game I remember playing that was legitimately funny.

35. Oregon Trail II (PC)
I pretty much went hunting the entire time, but even besides all the buffalo killing this game was educational and fun. I think I learned more playing this game than I did my entire senior year of high school, seriously.

34. Tony Hawk Pro Skater (PS1)
This game made skateboarding cool again for an entire new generation. It’s too bad I can barley get on a skateboard without immediately falling, but I can rack up a 900 on this game.

33. Super Bomberman(SNES)
Oh the fun that we had playing this great multiplayer game.


32. Orange Box (Half Life 2 and Portals) (Xbox 360)
Half Life 2 is an amazing shooter that in my opinion has the greatest weapon in all of games, aka the gravity gun. Portals is a game that will totally blow your mind and it is absolutely hilarious.

31. NFL Blitz (Arcade)
Your never quite out of it in this extreme football game. Plus, I love hitting the other team after the play is dead.

30. Karaoke Revolution (PS2)
After making a fool out of myself so many times, how could I not put this game on the list.

29. Contra (NES)
The famous code to get 30 lives is only as good as the game you get the lives, and trust me your going to need it.

28. Tiger woods 2004 (PS2)
I love golf, but this game was amazing, and I believe this was my favorite year.

27. Grand Theft Auto III (PS2)
Totally inappropriate in almost everyway, but also ridiculously fun in almost everyway.

26. NBA Live 96 (PS1)
Love the NBA live series, but this was the year of cheap fouls and Cliff Robinson shooting the lights out at the 3-point line.

25. Mike Tyson's Punch-Out (NES)
I still can’t seem to beat soda-popinski back then and now, better yet Mike Tyson.

24. Sim City 2000 (PC)
One would think managing a city would be really boring, but this was one of the first games I remember that let you create your own world literally, however you wanted it to.

23. Worms Armageddon (PC)
Full of strategy and the right amount of luck made this game an absolute classic. Plus you get to name your own cute little worms, and attach different voices to them.

22. Rock Band (Xbox 360)
Anyone who ever wanted to be a rock star can now be one thanks to this game. Great songs and good times with friends is the recipe for a great game.

I'm actually not even playing, but I grabbed a broom and jamed out.

21. Burnout 3 (PS2)
Burnout is the best car racing game of all-time. It rewards you for getting crazy with more burnout and that just makes you go even faster.

20. Civilization Revolution (Xbox 360)
If any other turn-based game is this fun I would like to play it, because I don’t think it’s possible.


19. Halo 3 (Xbox 360)
The first-player action is just okay, but the multiplayer possibilities are unmatched by any shooter game by far. You can even save your own sweet replays and share them with the rest of the world.

18. Super Mario Kart (SNES)
Do I even need to say why this game is so fun, everyone has played it and I don’t know anyone who didn’t like it.

17. NHL 95 (PC)
I played this game for about a year or two and I swear I probably averaged a game a day. I didn’t even really watch hockey, but this game was so fun I enjoy hockey now.

16. Super Mario 64 (N64)
The first true 3-D game I remember ever seeing, and it blew my mind. I wanted this game so bad I probably would have sold my soul to the devil just to play it.

15. Madden 2004 (PS2)
It was hard to pick a year because they all are great, but this was a standout year. This is a great game year in and year out.

14. Turtles (Arcade)
Now that I look back on this game I think it was designed to steal money from little kids and I was one of them, but I don’t care it was worth it.

13. Grand Theft Auto Vice City (PS2)
Being bad has never felt so good. I know you’ve heard that on probably a million tag lines for crappy 80’s movies, but it is so true when it comes to this amazing game.

12. NBA Jam: Tournament Edition (Arcade)
I remember when a buddy at school got this arcade in his house. We instantly became fast friends, wink, wink.


11 Twisted Metal 2 (PS1)
Probably on the best co-op games ever. And man Calypso sure did screw everybody at the end of the game didn’t he?

10. Halo (Xbox)
The game that started it all. Awesome in everyway. It took me a while to get used to the game’s controls, but now I can’t even pick up the old games that don’t use it’s ‘legendary’ and brilliant control scheme.

9. Gears of War (Xbox 360)
Brutally violent and totally satisfying. This game forced players to work on a team and actually talk with one another otherwise you would get screwed by those who worked together.

8. WCW vs NWO Revenge (N64)
Oh the wrestlers and the fun we had playing this game. I cannot even watch WWF style wrestling now because it is so stupid, but because this game was made it made all the stupid WWF stuff worth it.


7. Double Dragon II (NES)
I play this game a couple of times a month and I don’t mean back in the day I am talking about this year of 2008, crazy how good this game is.


6. Street Fighter II (Arcade)
Best fighting game ever. Plus almost every character has a super cheap move that if you learn you can always dominate newbie’s like M Bysons slide kick, man that's freakin' cheap.

5. Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES)
This was Mario on steroids back in the day. I still think this is the best and funnest (yes that is a word now) Mario game of all-time.

4. Warcraft II (PC)
Oh the brilliance of this game. This game’s strategy was absolutely pure genius, not to mention it was unbelievably fun.

3. Mario Kart 64 (N64)
No more taking turns, now we can play with 4 players in probably the greatest multiplayer game ever made.

Banana Jungle!

2. Goldeneye 007 (N64)
I already loved James Bond, and I liked shooting people, so this was naturally a nice fit for me in my life, but this game was simply amazing. It pretty much started multiplayer shooter games, and replaying the single player levels was still amazing.

1. Tecmo Super Bowl (NES)
The best game of all-time. I love football games, but this game was way ahead of its time. This game made playing for statistics even more important than winning. As long as my guys were ahead in all the major categories like QB passing yards then I was okay with a tough loss. The game play is perfect, not hard to pick up, but difficult to master. I still love and will forever play this game. Thank You Tecmo, thank you.