Orlando Magic vs Lakers in NBA Finals

Orlando Magic will have to face Lakers on Thursday at Los Angeles after defeating Cleveland Cavaliers 103-90 in the Eastern Conference Finals in six games. Magic has ended Madison Avenue's dream of a Kobe Bryant's Lakers versus LeBron James' Cavaliers championship matchup.

Magic center Dwight Howard lead his team and scored 40 points and 14 rebounds while forward Rashard Lewis scored 18 points and 8 rebounds at Amway Arena. Magic earned their first trip to NBA Finals since 1995. Orlando Magic and their fans inside Amway Arena roared and partied after the winning.


This postseason, Orlando Magic have beaten Philadelphia 76ers, dethroned the defending NBA champion Boston Celtics and have burnt Cleveland Cavaliers. Now, they will have to set their sights on Kobe Bryant's Lakers.

Kobe Bryant Took Lakers to NBA Finals

Los Angeles Lakers are back in NBA finals for the second straight year and the 30th time overall. Lakers closed out Denver Nuggets with a 119-92 victory in Game 6 of Western Conference finals on Friday night to win the series 4-2. Lakers star, Kobe Bryant, gave his best performance and delivered 35 points and 10 assists in the game. Kobe had many scoring help from team-mates Trevor Ariza, Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom as Lakers shot 57.3% from the field to avoid having to play a Game 7 back at Staples Center. The NBA Finals will begin on Thursday, at Los Angeles if Orlando Magic wins, and at Cleveland if Cavaliers prevail.

Another Business Opportunity

Remember yesterday when I started my consulting business? It seems to be pretty successful so far. In fact, I'm already working with Clearasil on a signature line for Delonte West. It should be pretty big, but that's not the point right now. I think I figured out how to save the economy. All I need is a secondary investor in my new blanket business.

I went to a fabric store the other night, and bought up all of their NBA stock. Then I went to 45 more Chicago area stores to make sure that I have a monopoly on this spun gold. With a little help from you (the investor), I'll be able to hire between 4 and 6 sewers, while I handle the designs. I already made this prototype.

I gave that one to Ziller to give to his wife, but we're going to be targeting high end clients. They're the only ones with any money to spend. You're telling me that the Alyssa Milanos and Jessica Albas and Zac Effrons aren't going to want a luxurious poncho made of the finest NBA fleece? Come on. This is 2009. Ponchos are coming back again. I don't see how this can fail.

Oh, and the name is already taken care of: Blowtorch Blankets. Duh.

Magic Fall to Cavs despite the Rally

Orlando Magic will be going home tomorrow to Amway Arena to try one more time to close out Cleveland Cavaliers after having Game 5 112-102 loss on Thursday night. Magic actually did an impressive comeback from a 22-point deficit, but Cavs fought to cut Magic's series lead to 3-2 in the Eastern Conference finals. Magic has already defeated Cavs twice at Amway Arena in this series. One more victory will send Orlando Magic to its second finals appearance, the first coming in 1995.



But, it's not going to be easy. Orlando Magic will have to stop 2009 NBA MVP LeBron James, who continued his best performances saving his team from losing. Magic center Dwight Howard even fouled out trying to defend LeBron.

Shannon Brown Part of Lakers' Game 5 Win

LA Lakers grabbed the 4th quarter against Denver Nuggets. Lakers now has a 3-2 lead in the Western Conference finals. Kobe Bryant scored 22 points, Lamar Odom had 19 points and 14 rebounds and Pau Gasol added 14 points and 10 rebounds in Lakers’ 103-94 victory last night in Los Angeles.

Lakers and Nuggets were tied after the first, second and third quarters for just the fourth time in the NBA playoffs history. So it all came down to the last 12 minutes. But then Lakers took control and saved the victory.



Shannon Brown had a role and was a big help for Lakers tonight. Brown didn’t play in the first half. With seven minutes left in the 3rd quarter Shannon Brown came in for Derek Fisher. Brown was in because Chauncey Billups stayed in for Nuggets. Brown, at 6-foot-4, is at least a physical match. He scored when Kobe Bryant was doubled, he slammed over Chris Andersen on a pass from Pau Gasol.

Endorsement Opportunity for Marcin Gortat

Look guys, the economy. You've heard about the economy I assume. It's not being very economical, if you know what I mean. I mean that it's not doing good. Wish it were doing better. Wish it had more money. Wish it had more econoME. Stocks and bonds. Buy low, sell high. Satellite transmissions to cellular telephones. Things like that. As such, I've decided to open a consulting business for NBA players. Basically, I will take a lesser known player and set them up with appropriate endorsement deals. In return, these players will pay me a 7% commission, and also give me free things like shoes, various sporting goods, and movie tickets to first-run movies. It's pretty fair, I think. After all, these endorsements will make the players millions, even after taking out my 7%. Not to mention, they wouldn't be seeing that money without my help anyways, because I'm going to be DIGGING DEEP for these endorsements.

Just as a teaser, here's a proposal I've put together for Orlando's Marcin Gortat. I want to pair him up with Lowell Foods.

The best quality foods from Poland and the best quality basketball player from Poland? Perfect match. Marcin Gortat will GLADLY tell you a story about sesame seeds and honey, he was raised on the stuff.

Here are some products that we'll put his face on, and what I'd propose as slogans:

Headcheese - "Because it exists."Herring Fillets with Onions in Brine - "If you don't like your fish in a salty brine with onions, then you don't really like fish."Seasoned Pork Lard with Pork Added - "The only thing that makes pork lard better is adding pork."Prune and Whole Grain Yogurt - "Like grapes, but grosser. Also, grains because yogurt was too creamy."

This is a win-win. Lowell Foods gets Marcin Gortat, the best Polish player ever. Marcin Gortat gets sacks of money and all the pork loaf he can eat. I've already talked to President and C.E.O. Conrad Lowell and he is understandably ECSTATIC about the idea.

Let's make this happen.

Derek Fisher Gets In a Time Machine

When V.A.S.T. scientists told him he could play like it was 2001 again, Derek Fisher gladly volunteered for time travel. That's G.

One of These Things is Not Like the Others

Concentration-wise.

Come Watch a Game with Me

Tonight at 7:30 Central time, I'll start heating the coals in my sauna. They'll be nice and hot by tip-off. Anyone who wants to join me is welcome. Bring your own towel.

Orlando Magic One Win Away to NBA Final

Orlando Magic defeated Cleveland Cavaliers 116-114 in overtime at Amway Arena in a tight Game 4 to take 3-1 lead in the Eastern Conference finals. NBA Defensive Player of the Year Dwight Howard scored 10 of Magic's 16 points in overtime.


Cavaliers' LeBron James tried to redo his Game 2 heroics. Spinning through the air, James’ 3-pointer looked good, but this time his shot at the buzzer missed. It was Magic time. James scored 44 points, his third 40-point plus outburst of the series, but was just 13-of-29.

Orlando Magic, who won a Game 7 in Boston in the last round, now just needs one more win to close out Cavaliers in Cleveland on Thursday night to go to the NBA Final.

What I Learned This Weekend

Have you guys heard of learning? It's cool. Basically, you see, hear, or otherwise experience different events and then you use those events to make yourself smarter and more knowledgeable. I did learning this weekend. I watched television shows and basketball games quite a bit. I also throughthrew a softball.

But more important was the learning that I did. Here are some THINGS THAT I LEARNED THIS WEEKEND:

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Denver Nuggets coach George Karl takes grooming advice from the ghost of former President Gerald Ford.

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THE REASON WHY JR Smith copies famous celebrations is because if he were left to his own devices, he reverts to acting like Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson from the motion picture EdTV.

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• Using bullet points is a good way of making important information stick out.
• So is bolding random words.

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IN THE OFF-SEASON, Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki is the captain of a crab fishing ship called the Northwestern. His exploits are documented by the television show Deadliest Catch.

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• RANDOMLY CAPITALIZING words is also effective for drawing attention to notable happenings. It is called HODGMANCASE.

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FOR HALLOWEEN, JR Smith and Kenyon Martin plan on going as Redman and Method Man. The twist is that while Redman is lighter than Method Man, Kenyon is lighter than JR. This is called irony or the "yin-yang effect."

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WHILE WRITING THIS POST, I learned that I know how to spell McConaughey correctly.

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Denver Nuggets Top LA Lakers in Game 4

Denver Nuggets played an inspired Game 4 at Pepsi Center on Monday, beating LA Lakers 120-101 to even the series 2-2. Nuggets won the Game 4 despite Carmelo Anthony's sprained ankle and stomachache. Anthony finished with 15 points. J.R. Smith and Chauncey Billups led Denver with 24 points each, and Kenyon Martin and Nene added a combined 27 points.

Howard Lead Magic past Cavaliers in Game 3

Orlando Magic took a 2-1 lead after defeating Cleveland Cavaliers 99-89 in Game 3 clash on Sunday in the Eastern Conference finals series. Orlando's Dwight Howard had 24 points and nine rebounds. "Our goal is to win a championship and I can't allow anything to stop me mentally from achieving our goal," said Dwight Howard.


It was a pretty physical game from beginning to end. There were 86 free throws, 58 personal fouls, two technicals, and a flagrant. The NBA officials must spent half the time stepping between players on both sides since tempers flared inside the overheated Amway Arena.

The teams will play Game 4 on Tuesday in Orlando, where the Cavaliers have lost six of their last seven games.

LeBron James is The Savior

LeBron James is not Jesus. Yet LeBron James is the savior. One more second and Cleveland Cavaliers would lose 93-95 one more time in their first two games of the Eastern Conference Finals, but LeBron James saved the day by hitting a buzzer beating three-pointer to give Cavaliers a 96-95 victory against Orlando Magic.

Watch the miracle of LeBron's three-pointer HERE.

Kenyon Martin and Nuggets Beat Lakers

Denver Nuggets beat LA Lakers on Thursday night at Staples Center. That’s when Nuggets forward Kenyon Martin hit a layup in traffic and team-mate Chauncey Billups made 3 of 4 free throws to give Nuggets a 106-103 victory in Game 2 to even the Western Conference finals 1-1.

Kinda Worried About Dwyane Wade

I don't know if you guys have see Dwyane Wade lately, but something is wrong.Maybe he's let himself go since the Heat got ousted. Maybe he's just bulking up for next season so he can be indestructible. Maybe V.A.S.T. is involved somehow. No matter what it is though, it isn't good.

Hope he isn't the next Michael Sweetney.

Hope he isn't the next Oliver Miller.
Hope he isn't the next Nate Dogg. Hope he finds his neck so he doesn't have to be like these guys.

I just don't want to wake up one Saturday morning and turn on the TV while I'm eating scrambled eggs and see a TLC special called "Dwyane Wade a Lot of Pounds." Because if he ends up just as a fat guy who is just a meme, I'll be sad. I don't want him to be the next Frog Baby.

Even though I think Dwyane basically dresses like a fancy Steve Urkel (but not Stephon Urquelle) he doesn't deserve to have to shop at the Big and Tall store. Their jeans don't even have any adornments. They're just pieces of straight blue denim, and if Dwyane Wade has to wear those, he'll be pretty mad.

He just needs to get healthy again. Maybe Steve Nash can help.Get better Dwyane Wade. It was nice having you around this year.

One of These Wasn't Photoshopped

RetroTorch: Julius Caesar Gets a Signature Sandal

Following his impressive circumvallation of Alesia during the Gallic War, Greek goddess of victory, Nike, divined that Roman Emperor Julius Caesar should be the first Emperor to wear his own signature sandal. "The Caesar" features the latest technological advances including leather, laces, and a sole. When reached for comment by carrier pigeon, the Emperor responded in a dead language that cannot be translated.

Superman Knocked Down the Shot Clock with Dunk

Orlando Magic's Dwight Howard stopped the Eastern Conference final against the Cleveland Cavaliers for eight minutes after knocking down the 24-second shot clock above the basket with a super dunk on Wednesday night.

After grabbing the ball from a rebound, Dwight Howard went up underneath and slammed it through with his hands and pulled on the rim for Magic's first basket. The 24-second stanchion, a 5-foot-tall appendage that has cameras mounted to its top, then fell slowly backward.


A maintenance man tried to fix it but couldn't figure out the damage Howard had done. The shot clock at the opposite end was turned off and two portable units were brought in and placed on both baselines. A tape measure was then brought out to check if "Superman" had pulled the rim lower than its required 10 feet.

Orlando Magic broke Lebron James' Cleveland Cavaliers unbeatable during playoffs records with 107-106; 30 points and 13 rebounds come from Dwight Howard.

A Hipster Talks About the Lakers

Why am I a Lakers fan? I'll tell you.

When I was a kid, my dad was, like, a HUGE Celtics fan. Like he made me watch all these games with him when I was growing up. He'd always talk about how great Larry Bird was and how he was a "genius." Apparently, my dad doesn't know what true genius is. Someone like Avey Tare or Colin Meloy. Those people actually relate to other people unlike that fascist Larry Bird.

Whatever my dad wanted, I wanted the opposite. He wanted me to go to college, but I just wanted to spin bangers in a club. He wanted me to play sports, but I liked poetry. He wanted me to not cut myself, but I wanted to cut my self. To this day, he's the most oppressive dictator my world has ever known. So I guess that's how I became a Lakers "fan." I mean, I'm not really a fan. I just wear this to make him mad. I figure there's nothing better than supporting a jerk like Kobe Bryant to get under his skin.

Did I see the game last night? No. Of course not. I was listening to my Cut Copy vinyl.

picture via thecobrasnake

Showtime for LA Lakers and Denver Nuggets

Los Angeles Lakers won the semifinal series against the Houston Rockets, and now Lakers had to prepare for the Western Conference finals against Denver Nuggets. Kobe Bryant and his team-mates will be trying to get back to the NBA finals for the second straight year while the Nuggets will be trying to get there for the first time.